Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Let's Live!!!!

Out of a converstion I had with a friend the other day a question arose in my mind.

Do we make things too complicated sometimes?

We were talking about life and all the decisions we are forced to make the older we get and the pressure that comes with that: decisions about life, relationships, jobs, careers, dreams, family, etc.

Is it possible that sometimes the only pressure in the decisions we make comes from us and not actually from those decisions?

That is, do we sometimes make things harder than they have to be? Are decisions of this nature really that complicated or do we assign this complication to them?

And is it possible that life really isn't that complicated at all sometimes.

I say yes to all those.

I think we make some decisions so complicated that we stress ourselves out. I think that we make it harder than it needs to be and therefore wear ourselves out.

Christians, I feel, are especially good at this. We are so afraid of taking the wrong step and "falling out of God's will for our lives," that we forget to take chances.

We debate and mull over and turn over and ask advice on every decision. What happened to life being an adventure? What are we so afraid will happen?

Now is advice and consideration important in decision-making? Absolutely. But in excess?

It cripples us. We forget that, while we do have a purpose, we also have a choice. God does give us room to make decisions for ourselves.

But we become so afraid of making the wrong decision that instead we choose not to decide at all. We become frozen. We complicate it.

I'm not in any way denying God's sovereignty and His will for our lives. But we also have freedom. Freedom to be with who we wanna be with (unless God clearly says no), to work where we want to work (unless God clearly says to move on to something new), and to be the kind of people we want to be (as long as we remain true to who we were created to be).

And what if we make the wrong decision? That's life! We are working out our faith daily and that means mistakes. Those are a given. But we shouldn't let fear of mistakes keep us from taking chances and living our lives.

I, personally, would rather live life boldly and make those mistakes, rather than doubting my decisions all the time for fear of choosing wrong. Yes, I might be right more often should I choose to live that way but I would feel as though I wasn't really living.

So let's not live in fear and indecision. Let's take chances and take risks, choosing wisdom over foolishness of course.

Let's live.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

I Have No Idea What To Call This

"Judge not lest you be judged" as the famous verse says.


I fail at that. I realized the other day just how often I judge people and get upset with them for doing the same things that I myself am doing.

If I'm not careful, all I see are the things that others are doing wrong. I don't look at myself and see that I'm doing the same things.

This is not a good thing, especially in relationships, when personal responsibility is so key.

It seems that often most people look at the other person and see all the things they fail at, without looking at themselves in the same light.

We measure ourselves with a different stick then we do for everyone else. I know I do this.

It's my stupid pride and arrogance. I hate being wrong. So I choose to dig the speck out of the other person's eye.

Over and over again.

And here I have this huge tree trunk in my face, blocking my perspective. At best all I can do is repeatedly poke that person in the eye, which does nothing and only exasperates that person.

Not only that, but irritation with people does not promote unity. It promotes just the opposite and alienates people, friends and couples.

God himself does not judge me for failing repeatedly and never fails to extend grace, yet I get frustrated with people and fail to extend them the same grace.

So this makes me irritable and angry.

This is not how it should me. No one is perfect, least of all me, as I can be a terrible person, and my responsibility is to extend to others what God has extended to me.

I must forgive as I have been forgiven.

I can't have this double standard.

I believe that relationships would be much more succesfull if we were better at looking at ourselves rather than constantly looking at the other person, whether romantic in nature or simply friendships.

God has never counted my sins against me :)

I cannot count others' either.

God is good and His love never fails:)

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

The Storm

Often times, when talking about the storms in our lives, we refer to the things happening outside of us, the things happening in our lives that are out of our control.

The storm I face is not this kind. The storm I'm facing is inside of me.

I'm in a fight against myself and the battle is raging.

The fight is between me and myself.

It's a struggle between the man that struggles to control emotions and habits and lacks discipline in many ways and the man that burns for the love of Christ to fall on himself and on his school.

A struggle between the man who's feelings and judgements are like a roller coaster and the man that continues to grow closer to Christ everyday and feels the growth and punishment from the Father.

It's a fight between the man that thinks only of himself and the man that knows he can be so much more because God has dreamed of who he can be.

My determination is to be that man. The man that God has always known I can be. The man that has mastery over himself and is strong in battle. Not in my strength, which fails time after time, but in his.

I've been called to so much. God is asking if I'm going to step up.

I could say no. It's my choice. But I can't stand to live that way. I want to live free. And God is making it happen.

Sometimes I think to myself that often I'm like the double-minded man in James 1. That I often float around between confidence and lack thereof, between happiness and despair, between loving myself and hating myself.

The time for that to end is now. It's gone on long enough and it's time to take care of business.

This storm is the effect of that resistance. My old self doesn't appreciate the fight.

But I've got so much ahead of me. I'm ready to step into it. It's about leaving the person I used to be behind me in the pursuit of all God has for me.

1Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 2Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. Hebrews 12:1-3

Enough waiting to do what needs to be done. It's time for change.

It's been happening for months. It's just coming to a head and a crossroads. I'm taking the narrow way.

Watch out evil. I'm stepping up.

I want to be feared by the darkness.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

The Prodigal Son

Sometimes I feel like I've wandered so far from God that I can't get all the way back.

I feel like I've done too many things to return, to be whole again.

I lack the confidence to believe that I can overcome the things that plague me, both from the past and in the present.

Sometimes I feel like I'll never be complete again because of things I've said and done, like I won't be able to be all I'm meant to be because of how I've wandered.

It's in this moment when I hear this:

"Oh my child. Do you still not understand? My love accomplishes everything. You have confidence because I gave it to you by defeating every earthly power and reminding you that if I am for you, no one can be against you. My love and healing are complete. I can make you into what you've longed to be for so long, what I'VE wanted you to be for so long. Don't despair. You may have gone far from Me but I was never far from you. You can return to complete purity and wholeness and wisdom and healing. Just let me help you. Don't turn away in disappointment or shame. Let me see your face. Look into my eyes and see that you are LOVED. Welcome home."

And all of a sudden.....I dare to hope. I dare to believe that no matter how many times I've misrepresented my faith, no matter how many times I've sinned, no matter how many times I've strayed into deception and wrong thinking, or given up on myself, I can still be whole again.

No matter what my mind is telling me, I can come back. ALL the way back. Completely righteous and justified.

Everything from before forgotten. Just like that.

Now I'm free. I feel like I should have to do something else, like it's too easy, but I don't. I just need to accept it, accept the grace. It's difficult to believe that return to the exact spot that i strayed from and simply keep walking from there but I can.

We can.

Simple concept? Yes. Easy to learn? No.

I'm trying to get into my heart, not just leave it in my head.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Who I Am cont.

"We don't serve God to gain His acceptance; we are accepted, so we serve God. We don't follow Him to be loved; we are loved, so we follow Him."

"It is not what we do that determines who we are; it is who we are that determines what we do."

1 John 3:2 - "Beloved, now we are children of God."

Who I Am

Today I realized that I've been striving to attain something that is already mine to own.

I've been trying to BECOME a child of God, to BECOME worthy enough to be proud of by my Father in heaven.

I've been struggling to become a man of God, and I've felt like I'm failing.

Then Jesus spoke to me. He told me that i don't have to earn it, that I don't have to TRY to be a true man of God. I AM a man of God. I AM a child of God. This is not something that i need to earn. It's who I am already. A man after God's heart.

And yet, for some reason, I still feel like I need to grow more to somehow earn that title. I feel like I need to do more, to be more, as if I can somehow better myself in my Father's eyes.

I can't. Not only that, but I don't have to. I'm already there.

I've found myself doing things for God, like trying to better myself and grow and serve, and those are all necessary. But my motivation is wrong. Was wrong.

I was motivated by my fear that I wasn't good enough or strong enough or wise enough. That is what pushed me to be better.

Because, to be quite honest, I don't feel like I measure up. To other people and to what I think are God's expectations of me.

That's the best part about grace. I can't measure up. That's where grace steps in.

I don't have to measure up. We as God's children aren't called to measure up. We are called to live righteous and holy lives and lives of purity. But we don't have to earn God's acceptance. We already have it. I already have it. He cannot be more proud of me, of us, than He already is.

This knowledge sets me free. My motivation is no longer to be better because I'm not good enough. My motivation is to be better, to live taller, to accept grace, because God already takes pride in me and is pleased with me.

With us.

We have nothing to earn, but everything to gain.

Monday, June 22, 2009


I am not simply a forgiven sinner, someone that will never be able to overcome. I am a redeemed saint. The term sinner no longer applies to me, because by the grace of God I have been made righteous. I do sin. But i'm a sinner no longer. I've been redeemed.