Tuesday, January 27, 2009

The Beauty

South Africa is the most beautiful place I've ever seen in my life. And I expect I might always feel that way no matter where I go.

When we first landed in South Africa we found ourselves lost in the massiveness of Johannisburg Airport, surrounded by stores and food courts that looked exactly like the ones found in our OWN airports.

Not incredibly beautiful to say the least:) In fact, it was a little disappointing. Especially since we were stuck there for hours.

But soon enough we were picked up by a taxi and taken to a bus station, where we had to wait for hours again. Thrilling. Needless to say, the landscape at this point was less than impressive.

Next, we were picked up by our friend in the field who had arranged for us to be there. He drove for a while through the city streets, with me stuck in the bed of the truck with a couple of guys. Lovely.

Then:)

Then my faith was rewarded the moment we left the city. We got out on the freeway, which was basically a two-lane road winding through endless seas of tall grass blowing and swaying in the wind. We could see for miles.

Before I continue, I want to point out that there was something beautiful about the airport and the bus station and the city, but it wasn't these places themselves.

It was the people. These people, with their ebony skin and piercing eyes and crazy hair, were so beautiful. That was something I won't forget about those awful places:)

Ok moving on. We arrived at the village we were to live in and I discovered that all the roads are dirt. Not that surprising right? Except it was red dirt. Everywhere. I actually walked around taking pictures of the roads. It's not like I didn't know dirt could be red. But to walk on it and see it in front of me was awesome:) it's just crazy unique.

Then we met the kids. OH. my. gosh. Gorgeous.

You talk about adorable and any other word you can think of to describe cute and that was them.

We would frequently go on walks as well, either as a team or with our host families, through the countryside. We would go when the sun was setting on the horizon, and the horizon was miles and miles away. It almost seemed that I could see the curve of the sky it was so far. We saw giraffe and zebra within 30 or 40 feet. Giraffe are absolutely huge when you're that close.

I would often times just stop walking and stare. Dumbstruck. Completely at a loss for words. I remember one time climbing over a small butte and suddenly everything stretched out before me like a canvas. The sun was brilliant, reflecting off the grassy fields that never seemed to end, with the trees casting shadows everywhere. So green it almost hurt to look. I remember all I could say was ".....oh God....", followed by digging my jaw out of the dirt where it had dropped. The sky was bluer than I've ever seen a sky. It seemed to me that heaven must look similar.

It was in this place called Africa that I began to realize something profound.

God made this. And how much more beautiful than the creation must the Creator be!

I felt then that I had begun to discover a new facet of God. His incredible beauty. A beauty that steals my breath away and causes me to be at a loss for words. I can't wait to see Him someday.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

How Deep the Father's Love For Us

How deep the Father's love for us. How vast beyond all measure.
That He should give His only Son,

To make a wretch(me) His treasure.

How great the pain of searing loss! The Father turns His face away.
As wounds which mar the Chosen one,

Bring many sons(including me) to Glory.

Behold the Man upon the cross, my sin upon His shoulders.
Ashamed, I hear my mocking voice,

Call out among the scoffers.

It was MY sin that held Him there! Until it was accomplished.
His dying breath has brought me life.

I know that it is finished.

So I will not boast in anything. No gifts, nor power, nor wisdom.
But I WILL boast in Jesus Christ.

His death and resurection.

Why should I gain from His reward? I cannot give an answer.
But THIS i know with all my heart.........


His wounds have paid my ransom.

If i said "thank you Jesus" a billion times a day for the rest of my life it wouldn't be enough.

But I've never been more thankful for anything in my life.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Love

What is love?

If I define love as being patient and kind, not envious and not boastful, not proud and not rude, not self-seeking, then I fail at love.

I'm not very patient. I'm kind but not enough. I'm envious and boastful. I'm proud and I'm rude. I'm also self-seeking.

Maybe I'm being too hard on myself.

These things are all human nature after all.

But I'm still am not happy with where I am.

After reading Song of Solomon, where i believe love is portrayed in it's purest form, an intense desire was birthed in me.

I want to love like that. I want to love someone like that. I want to cherish someone like that. To make her everything to me.

I want to be everything love is. Unselfish and kind. Un-envious and humble. Ever patient and not arrogant. And I'm not gonna stop till I get there.

Will I ever completely achieve that? No. I'm as imperfect as a human can be.

But i'm gonna get as close as I can. I'm gonna work at it for the rest of my life. It is attainable.

I want to love a woman the way Christ loves her. To give her everything I am.

To tell her everyday how beautiful she is and how much I love her.

To let her know that I value her over any other person or thing in this world.

I can be that. Not because I'm strong enough. But because God is strong enough and His power is made perfect in my weakness.

His power ought to be pretty perfect by now then haha.

I want my life to be about love. Love for her, love for my Savior, love for the beautiful people in this world. Even love for myself.

I don't mean being in love with myself. I mean that rather than hate myself for my imperfections.

Love is a journey.

I wanna get walking.

I also want to BE loved that way. I want to be everything to her. I want to be her strength. I want to make her laugh all the time. I want her to see me the way God sees me. I want to be the only one for her. I want to be that knight.

All these things I've mentioned don't even really come close to describing how I feel but it's a piece. I don't want to simply KNOW what true love is. I want to BE what true love is.

Monday, January 5, 2009

The FOOD!!

A week before leaving for Africa I spent time with my team, hoping to solidify relationships and get to know people better. Which is what happened.

I also went because i was told that we would be starting a diet during the course of that week that would help us to assimilate to the African food when we arrived.

We didnt't end up getting around to that. So I had no idea what to expect.

As a result, I had visions of eating raw goat meat and brains and snakes and things of that nature:)

I was pleasantly surprised when i was offered rice and beans and milk for my first meal.

In fact, the weirdest thing i ate(and it was gross) was chicken feet. That's right.

Chicken FEET.

I didn't know you could eat those!

It appeared that they had simply been boiled in water. Talons and all were still present as i ate.

I say ATE, though NIBBLED is probably closer to the truth. The skin was the consistency of slimy rubber and of course, as there was no meat on them, cartilage was the only thing to be found under the slimy rubber.

Needless to say I did my best to eat whatever I could and simply tried not to gag.

But what struck me the most about my eating in Africa was not what I ate.

I was HOW I ate. How well I ate is what i mean to say.

I can't actually remember being very hungry at all when living with this family in South Africa. I remember being frequently stuffed in fact.

I remember one night in particular. My mother laid a massive plate in front of me of beans and rice,which I never tired of eating by the way.

Then the kids came in to join me.

And them?

They had small bowls, probably a third of what I had on my plate.

A third.

Our coordinator in South Africa told us that one of the things we would feel the most would be shame. He was right.

I was so ashamed. When have I EVER been that generous??

Never.

Their generosity in the face of such poverty humbled me like nothing ever has. Like nothing probably ever will again.

...I was so ashamed....

I didn't want to eat it. I wanted to give it back to them cause heaven knows that they need it more than I did.

And then I realized something.

They wanted to bless me. They were so thankful for me being there to see them and work with them that they wanted to do something for me in return.

And this was the only way they could do that. This was the only way they felt that they could repay me for flying over to meet them.

Was it easier to eat? Not really. But after the shame and and the humbling came the most intense gratitude I think I've ever felt.

There's something about a gift given from nothing......