1 Corinthians 13:11-" Like a Child"

I'm amazed at myself.

Now before you become upset at me for my incredible pride and arrogance let me explain:)

I'm amazed at myself when I consider just how often I continually revert back into the person I used to be, i.e. the person that the power of God has freed me from. I'm amazed at my capacity for selfishness and pride.

This is, of course, not a problem exclusive to me. I realize that this is, in fact, human nature. We are born with a me-first mentality. But this has recently become more clear to me than ever before. I see that man, the man that God wants me to be, and the man that I'm slowing becoming. I see where I need to get to. I know what I have to do.

And yet I don't do it. I fall short time and time again.

Now I don't want to be too hard on myself. I am only nineteen and hopefully I have a long way to go yet. But I'm also not going to use that as an excuse. Like that verse in Corinthians says, i need to be constantly putting my old way of thinking and acting behind me.

And recently this struggle to deny my nature and follow after HIS nature has felt like an actual struggle. Almost as if I'm physically grappling with someone. The more God continues to shape my thinking and ideas and actions the harder it gets.

Whatever it is, it doesn't want to let go.

And I don't need to win this fight against myself just for me. Winning this fight against myself is about becoming a better friend and and a better boyfriend and a better worship leader and a better listener and a better servant and, one day, a better husband and father. I'm not out to win this fight just for myself. This is about the people in my life who deserve the best that I can be.

Now I definitely don't want to over-dramatize this. This is simply a routine theme in the Bible, a theme of DAILY denying ourselves for the good of others. My focus needs to continually on the needs of others rather than myself.

Will this happen? No. I'm imperfect and will never achieve that level of unselfishness. But I will strive to leave those old patterns of behavior behind. And when they show up I will fight them. I will gain mastery over my mind and learn to take every thought captive. I will learn to honor the people around me with my thoughts and actions.

By the grace of God, I will never stop reaching for more. And when I stumble and revert back to my old self? Grace will be there to show me who I really am in Christ, to show me that I'm no longer the child I used to be. I will remember that, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come."

And I will fight back. I will grapple with myself. Cause this is worth fighting for with everything I have.

Gardening in Africa (in 95-100 degree weather)

One of the ways we were able to minister to the people in South Africa AND Mozambique was, as the title so cleverly insinuates, was gardening:)

Now, I'm a landscaper. So gardening is a bit like breathing for me. So when I heard we were going to be gardening I thought to myself "sure, no problem".

Right?

WRONG. Let's start with the weather.

Check that. Let's start with me being stupid and not thinking about packing sunscreen for Africa. I am so dumb sometimes I swear......

Anyways. Turns out that it's hot in Africa. Go figure. Like 90 degrees in the shade kind of hot.

It gets better.

I didn't have gloves so my hands blistered after the first half hour.

Now, in Mozambique? We quit working before it got too hot. But for some reason in South Africa we worked into the heat of the day. But maybe it just felt like the heat of the day to a skinny white guy from cold, rainy Oregon. Who knows.

Then the tools we had were bordering on primitive since, obviously, there wasn't enough money to buy good ones. As a result, all the handles on the tools were two or three feet too short so we were bent over most of the time.

Now I'm a pretty lean guy and my back's in good shape but that was pushing the proverbial envelope as they say.

Then the clean water runs out so we're all sharing.

Needless to say, this was not an enjoyable experience. I was fortunate enough to beg some sunscreen off of an actual smart person who put some thought into her packing, thank goodness, otherwise i would've fried alive.

But the suffering we endured in the heat isn't the primary explanation for the reason why these memories have stuck fast in my head.

It was the way we were able to take a plot of land in South Africa that was nothing but a field full of tough grass and overrun with weeds and weed it, plow it by hand, plant it with all kinds of fruits and vegetables, and water it. Make it into something beautiful.

It was the was we took a dry, dusty, nutrition-starved yard enclosed in a compound with walls that had razor wire on top and broke it up one shovel full at a time, mixed in manure one shovel full at a time, raised up the beds and planted more food by which these people could sustain themselves.

And it was the gratitude that stood out to me. The man we gardened for in South Africa was in a wheelchair and couldn't sustain himself. The people we gardened for in Mozambique planned on using that garden to feed the community around them.

And we had the wonderful opportunity to be a part of that.

Two thoughts:

1) I learned that God doesn't get to be a part of what I'M doing. It's HIM who lets ME take a part in what HE'S doing.

2) I learned the value of not simply giving a man a fish, but rather teaching him how to fish. We didn't give them money or food in this particular instance. We gave them something that would sustain them and provide for them.

I feel like I was more blessed than they were.