tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-79766658446408106022024-03-12T21:37:18.551-07:00Mattie's BlogJust my random thoughts and stories and feelings:)Matt Trevorrowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03161554146743213338noreply@blogger.comBlogger24125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7976665844640810602.post-559410823589122792009-12-23T02:01:00.000-08:002009-12-23T02:21:22.553-08:00Let's Live!!!!Out of a converstion I had with a friend the other day a question arose in my mind.<br /><br />Do we make things too complicated sometimes?<br /><br />We were talking about life and all the decisions we are forced to make the older we get and the pressure that comes with that: decisions about life, relationships, jobs, careers, dreams, family, etc.<br /><br />Is it possible that sometimes the only pressure in the decisions we make comes from us and not actually from those decisions?<br /><br />That is, do we sometimes make things harder than they have to be? Are decisions of this nature really that complicated or do we assign this complication to them?<br /><br />And is it possible that life really isn't that complicated at all sometimes.<br /><br />I say yes to all those.<br /><br />I think we make some decisions so complicated that we stress ourselves out. I think that we make it harder than it needs to be and therefore wear ourselves out.<br /><br />Christians, I feel, are especially good at this. We are so afraid of taking the wrong step and "falling out of God's will for our lives," that we forget to take chances.<br /><br />We debate and mull over and turn over and ask advice on every decision. What happened to life being an adventure? What are we so afraid will happen?<br /><br />Now is advice and consideration important in decision-making? Absolutely. But in excess?<br /><br />It cripples us. We forget that, while we do have a purpose, we also have a choice. God does give us room to make decisions for ourselves.<br /><br />But we become so afraid of making the wrong decision that instead we choose not to decide at all. We become frozen. We complicate it.<br /><br />I'm not in any way denying God's sovereignty and His will for our lives. But we also have freedom. Freedom to be with who we wanna be with (unless God clearly says no), to work where we want to work (unless God clearly says to move on to something new), and to be the kind of people we want to be (as long as we remain true to who we were created to be).<br /><br />And what if we make the wrong decision? That's life! We are working out our faith daily and that means mistakes. Those are a given. But we shouldn't let fear of mistakes keep us from taking chances and living our lives.<br /><br />I, personally, would rather live life boldly and make those mistakes, rather than doubting my decisions all the time for fear of choosing wrong. Yes, I might be right more often should I choose to live that way but I would feel as though I wasn't really living.<br /><br />So let's not live in fear and indecision. Let's take chances and take risks, choosing wisdom over foolishness of course.<br /><br />Let's live.Matt Trevorrowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03161554146743213338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7976665844640810602.post-21670657653552259902009-08-11T10:57:00.000-07:002009-08-11T11:29:59.738-07:00I Have No Idea What To Call This"Judge not lest you be judged" as the famous verse says.<br /><br />Shoot.<br /><br />I fail at that. I realized the other day just how often I judge people and get upset with them for doing the same things that I myself am doing.<br /><br />If I'm not careful, all I see are the things that others are doing wrong. I don't look at myself and see that I'm doing the same things.<br /><br />This is not a good thing, especially in relationships, when personal responsibility is so key.<br /><br />It seems that often most people look at the other person and see all the things they fail at, without looking at themselves in the same light.<br /><br />We measure ourselves with a different stick then we do for everyone else. I know I do this.<br /><br />It's my stupid pride and arrogance. I hate being wrong. So I choose to dig the speck out of the other person's eye.<br /><br />Over and over again.<br /><br />And here I have this huge tree trunk in my face, blocking my perspective. At best all I can do is repeatedly poke that person in the eye, which does nothing and only exasperates that person.<br /><br />Not only that, but irritation with people does not promote unity. It promotes just the opposite and alienates people, friends and couples.<br /><br />God himself does not judge me for failing repeatedly and never fails to extend grace, yet I get frustrated with people and fail to extend them the same grace.<br /><br />So this makes me irritable and angry.<br /><br />This is not how it should me. No one is perfect, least of all me, as I can be a terrible person, and my responsibility is to extend to others what God has extended to me.<br /><br />I must forgive as I have been forgiven.<br /><br />I can't have this double standard.<br /><br />I believe that relationships would be much more succesfull if we were better at looking at ourselves rather than constantly looking at the other person, whether romantic in nature or simply friendships.<br /><br />God has never counted my sins against me :)<br /><br />I cannot count others' either.<br /><br />God is good and His love never fails:)Matt Trevorrowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03161554146743213338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7976665844640810602.post-848625566392181452009-07-28T11:38:00.000-07:002009-07-28T12:16:07.574-07:00The StormOften times, when talking about the storms in our lives, we refer to the things happening outside of us, the things happening in our lives that are out of our control.<br /><br />The storm I face is not this kind. The storm <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">I'm</span> facing is inside of me.<br /><br />I'm in a fight against myself and the battle is raging.<br /><br />The fight is between me and myself.<br /><br />It's a struggle between the man that struggles to control emotions and habits and lacks discipline in many ways and the man that burns for the love of Christ to fall on himself and on his school.<br /><br />A struggle between the man who's feelings and judgements are like a roller coaster and the man that continues to grow closer to Christ everyday and feels the growth and punishment from the Father.<br /><br />It's a fight between the man that thinks only of himself and the man that knows he can be so much more because God has dreamed of who he can be.<br /><br />My determination is to be that man. The man that God has always known I can be. The man that has mastery over himself and is strong in battle. Not in my strength, which fails time after time, but in his.<br /><br />I've been called to so much. God is asking if I'm going to step up.<br /><br />I could say no. It's my choice. But I can't stand to live that way. I want to live free. And God is making it happen.<br /><br />Sometimes I think to myself that often <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">I'm</span> like the double-minded man in James 1. That I often float around <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">between</span> confidence and lack thereof, between happiness and despair, between loving myself and hating myself.<br /><br />The time for that to end is now. It's gone on long enough and it's time to take care of business.<br /><br />This storm is the effect of that <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">resistance</span>. My old self doesn't appreciate the fight.<br /><br />But I've got so much ahead of me. I'm ready to step into it. It's about leaving the person I used to be behind me in the pursuit of all God has for me.<br /><br /> 1Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 2Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. Hebrews 12:1-3<br /><br />Enough waiting to do what needs to be done. It's time for change.<br /><br />It's been happening for months. It's just coming to a head and a crossroads. I'm taking the narrow way.<br /><br />Watch out evil. I'm stepping up.<br /><br />I want to be feared by the darkness.Matt Trevorrowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03161554146743213338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7976665844640810602.post-90951309440898356972009-07-09T01:33:00.000-07:002009-07-09T01:59:04.902-07:00The Prodigal SonSometimes I feel like I've wandered so far from God that I can't get all the way back.<br /><br /><br /><br />I feel like I've done too many things to return, to be whole again.<br /><br /><br /><br />I lack the confidence to believe that I can overcome the things that plague me, both from the past and in the present.<br /><br /><br /><br />Sometimes I feel like <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">I'll</span> never be complete again because of things I've said and done, like I won't be able to be all I'm meant to be because of how I've wandered.<br /><br /><br /><br />It's in this moment when I hear this:<br /><br /><br /><br />"Oh my child. Do you still not understand? My love <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">accomplishes</span> everything. You have confidence because I gave it to you by defeating every earthly power and reminding you that if I am for you, no one can be against you. My love and healing are complete. I can make you into what you've longed to be for so long, what I'<span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-error">VE</span> wanted you to be for so long. Don't despair. You may have gone far from Me but I was never far from you. You can return to complete purity and wholeness and wisdom and healing. Just let me help you. Don't turn away in <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">disappointment</span> or shame. Let me see your face. Look into my eyes and see that you are LOVED. Welcome home."<br /><br /><br /><br />And all of a sudden.....I dare to hope. I dare to believe that no matter how many times I've <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">misrepresented</span> my faith, no matter how many times I've sinned, no matter how many times I've strayed into deception and wrong thinking, or given up on myself, I can still be whole again.<br /><br />No matter what my mind is telling me, I can come back. ALL the way back. Completely righteous and justified.<br /><br /><br /><br />Everything from before forgotten. Just like that.<br /><br /><br />Now I'm free. I feel like I should have to do something else, like it's too easy, but I don't. I just need to accept it, accept the grace. It's difficult to believe that return to the exact spot that i strayed from and simply keep walking from there but I can.<br /><br />We can.<br /><br /><br /><p>Simple concept? Yes. Easy to learn? No. </p><p>I'm trying to get into my heart, not just leave it in my head.<br /></p>Matt Trevorrowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03161554146743213338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7976665844640810602.post-71850080196615089322009-06-23T21:21:00.000-07:002009-06-23T21:25:06.032-07:00Who I Am cont."We don't serve God to gain His acceptance; we are accepted, so we serve God. We don't follow Him to be loved; we are loved, so we follow Him."<br /><br />"It is not what we do that determines who we are; it is who we are that determines what we do."<br /><br />1 John 3:2 - "Beloved, <em>now</em> we are children of God."Matt Trevorrowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03161554146743213338noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7976665844640810602.post-4192335411556755852009-06-23T20:49:00.000-07:002009-06-23T21:06:43.246-07:00Who I AmToday I realized that I've been striving to attain something that is already mine to own.<br /><br />I've been trying to BECOME a child of God, to BECOME worthy enough to be proud of by my Father in heaven.<br /><br />I've been struggling to become a man of God, and I've felt like I'm failing.<br /><br />Then Jesus spoke to me. He told me that i don't have to earn it, that I don't have to TRY to be a true man of God. I AM a man of God. I AM a child of God. This is not something that i need to earn. It's who I am already. A man after God's heart.<br /><br />And yet, for some reason, I still feel like I need to grow more to somehow earn that title. I feel like I need to do more, to be more, as if I can somehow better myself in my Father's eyes.<br /><br />I can't. Not only that, but I don't have to. I'm already there.<br /><br />I've found myself doing things for God, like trying to better myself and grow and serve, and those are all necessary. But my motivation is wrong. Was wrong.<br /><br />I was motivated by my fear that I wasn't good enough or strong enough or wise enough. That is what pushed me to be better.<br /><br />Because, to be quite honest, I don't feel like I measure up. To other people and to what I think are God's expectations of me.<br /><br />That's the best part about grace. I can't measure up. That's where grace steps in.<br /><br />I don't have to measure up. We as God's children aren't called to measure up. We are called to live righteous and holy lives and lives of purity. But we don't have to earn God's acceptance. We already have it. I already have it. He cannot be more proud of me, of us, than He already is.<br /><br />This knowledge sets me free. My motivation is no longer to be better because I'm not good enough. My motivation is to be better, to live taller, to accept grace, because God already takes pride in me and is pleased with me.<br /><br />With us.<br /><br />We have nothing to earn, but everything to gain.Matt Trevorrowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03161554146743213338noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7976665844640810602.post-16829128214394129142009-06-22T16:47:00.000-07:002009-06-22T16:51:06.461-07:00II am not simply a forgiven sinner, someone that will never be able to overcome. I am a redeemed saint. The term sinner no longer applies to me, because by the grace of God I have been made righteous. I do sin. But i'm a sinner no longer. I've been redeemed.Matt Trevorrowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03161554146743213338noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7976665844640810602.post-24229800696536815322009-06-17T13:53:00.000-07:002009-06-17T14:17:50.137-07:00The Time is Now<span style="color:#ff6666;">I was sitting in my apartment reading my Bible when God spoke to me. He only said three words.<br /><br />Opportunity is knocking.<br /><br /><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">Opportunity</span> is knocking on our door. We of this generation have a chance to change the world like never before; something is happening. There is an undercurrent swirling just out of sight under the surface of the water but it's rising. Something is coming, and we need to be ready.<br /><br />There is a window of opportunity that has not in the past been open, but it's opening now.<br /><br />I read three verses: <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">Galations</span> 6:9-10, Ephesians 5:14-16, and <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-error">Colossians</span> 4:5. These verses all say the same thing and that is that are to make the most of every opportunity, for the days are evil.<br /><br />I feel something happening, like a shift in the spiritual world. The tide is turning. We as Christians have struggled in recent history to make immediate lasting impact on the people around us, to turn the world upside-down like the apostles did, but that is becoming a thing of the past because something new is coming and it's BIG. It's new revelations; it's a destruction of previously assumed ideas and a birth of new ideas, of truth. God said, "See! I make all things new!" and that is what's happening, but in larger measure.<br /><br />We as people are going to discover what is and what isn't.<br /><br />But the catch is this: it's up to us. If we don't usher in this new kingdom of God on earth, it won't happen, because the LORD is looking for workers to harvest the fields. The crops will not harvest themselves.<br /><br />Now the Lord's will WILL be accomplished, whether by our work or someone <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-error">else's</span>, but if we want this wave to sweep through our world like never before then now is the time.<br /><br />Do we want to miss out on what God is doing? Do we want to miss the opportunity to be a part of something that this world has NEVER seen before?<br /><br />This isn't like giving to a charity or radio station. We can't say," Well, someone else will give."<br /><br />This is our time, our chance, to shake the world.<br /><br />Something is coming. I feel it in my heart and gut and Spirit that something HUGE is happening.<br /><br /><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">Something</span> is gonna break.<br /><br />The word of the day is opportunity.<br /><br />And it's ours for the taking.<br /><br />Let's not be caught unprepared.<br /><br />Let's get in the game.</span>Matt Trevorrowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03161554146743213338noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7976665844640810602.post-15235652274112014702009-06-10T21:59:00.000-07:002009-06-10T22:20:02.827-07:00Defense?I was shocked to discover that no where in the Bible are we commanded to defend the Gospel.<br /><br />No where.<br /><br />Wait. Is that right? Aren't we supposed to defend what is most precious to us?<br /><br />Then I had a thought.<br /><br />This Gospel speaks for itself. We don't need to defend it. It's flawless. It has no weaknesses.<br /><br />So why would we feel like we have to defend it?<br /><br />Because we've bought in to the idea that we need to sell the Gospel.<br />We've bought in to the idea that we can somehow persuade people to accept the Bible as truth by the power of our words.<br /><br />We don't need to do that. The Gospel speaks for itself.<br /><br />Paul says as much in 1 Corinthians 2:4 : "My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power, so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power."<br /><br />See what <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">I'm</span> saying? This Gospel speaks for itself. The Spirit can speak for itself. It's not our job to try to convince people to accept it. It's not our job to argue with people and defend it when they disagree with it.<br /><br />It is simply our job to know nothing but Jesus and Him crucified. We are to simply show that and let the Spirit do the rest.<br /><br />In Acts 5, a man named Gamaliel stands up in a council that is debating over what to do with the apostles. The apostles will not stop healing people and preaching the message of Jesus.<br /><br />Gamaliel says this: "Leave these men alone! Let them go! For if their purpose or activity is of human origin, it will fail. BUT IF IT IS FROM GOD, you will not be able to stop these men; you will only find yourselves fighting against God."<br /><br />What is he saying here? He's saying that they should let this Gospel that the apostles are preaching speak for itself. It's very simple: if it's not from God, it will be proved as such. But if it is, it's unstoppable.<br /><br />Why do we need to defend something that is already unstoppable........?<br /><br />Our job is not to fight. We are simply to present and let the Spirit do the rest. Let people say what they want. The Gospel is still exploding all over the world.<br /><br />So let's not try to convince people that they should believe. And let's not fight the people that don't. The apostles didn't. Why should we?<br /><br />This Gospel speaks for itself.Matt Trevorrowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03161554146743213338noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7976665844640810602.post-21761853302161158042009-06-09T10:31:00.000-07:002009-06-09T11:46:52.799-07:00Do Something"We can believe in CPR, but people will remain dead until someone breathes new life into them."<br /><br />"We are not simply to bandage the wounds of victims beneath the wheels of injustice, but we are to drive a spoke into the wheel itself."<br /><br /><div align="left">"We are called to play the Good Samaritan on life's roadside ... but one day we must come to see that the whole Jericho road must be transformed so that men and women will not constantly be beaten and robbed. True compassion is more than flinging a coin to a beggar. It comes to see that a system that produces beggars needs to be repaved. We are called to be the Good Samaritan, <em>but after you lift so many people out of the ditch you start to ask, maybe the whole road to <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Jericho</span> needs to be repaved</em>."</div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left">There will always be casualties. Until we get to the root of the problem, until we decide to stop simply giving out fish and actually give someone a fishing rod, nothing will change. </div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left">There will always be people that need money. There will always be people that need food. There will always be people that need clothes. </div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left">Until we stop waiting for them to come to us and we actually hit the problem at the source.</div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left">We don't just wait for the beggars to come to us beaten after their treacherous journey on the road to Jericho. We go clear out the robbers and repave the road. We strike first.</div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left">We don't simply bandage the road rash of people that have been overrun by the wheels of injustice. We take a steel bar and shove it through the spokes of that wheel.</div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left">Why don't we do this though?</div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left">Because it's easier to write a check.</div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left">Because it's easier to say "I'll pray for you."</div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left">Because no one actually wants to get their hands dirty.</div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left">James 2:14-17 says it best: "What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him? Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him, "Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed," but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if not accompanied by works is dead."</div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left">Shane Claiborne says it this way: "Tithes, tax-exempt donations, and short-term mission trips, while they accomplish some good, can also function as outlets that allow us to appease our <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">consciences</span> and still remain a safe distance from the poor. Charity can be a dangerous insulator."</div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left">He continues: "I'm just not convinced that Jesus is going to say, 'When I was hungry, you gave a check to the United Way and they fed me,' or , 'When i was naked, you donated clothes to the Salvation Army and they clothed me.' Jesus is not seeking distant acts of charity. He seeks concrete acts of love."</div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left">Too many are trying to play this game with one foot on the court and one foot on the bench. </div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left">It's time to either get on the court or sit down.</div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left">Because this halfway stuff isn't actually solving anything. </div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left">It's not fixing what's really broken.</div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left">It's only damage control.</div><div align="left"> </div>Matt Trevorrowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03161554146743213338noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7976665844640810602.post-16160830828052471102009-06-05T13:55:00.000-07:002009-06-05T14:28:24.358-07:00I had one expectation.<br /><br />In the days leading up to my trip to South Africa I decided that I wanted God to prove something to me.<br /><br />I wanted Him to prove to me that two week mission trips were effective. I wanted Him to prove to me that they could actually make a difference despite the incredible lack of longevity. That was my only expectation.<br /><br />He answered me. But not in the way I was expecting. Here's what He showed me.<br /><br />There are no mission trips.<br /><br />Think about it. There are no mission trips.<br /><br />Life ITSELF is the mission.<br /><br />Let me explain.<br /><br />In the weeks leading up to our trip, <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">preparation</span> was stressed repeatedly. Things commonly heard were "Be reading your Bibles every day"and "Remain in constant prayer for this trip".<br /><br />Shouldn't we be doing that already?<br /><br />This is the misconception.<br /><br />We assume that since we're going to Africa we need to "up our game". As if the people in America need to hear it less?<br /><br />How many of us slack in our efforts here in our own country, yet bring the heat the minute we land in a foreign country? Can this be right?<br /><br />Here's how God answered my question.<br /><br />If we determine to live a LIFE of ministry, then it won't matter where you are, how long you're there, or what you're doing.<br /><br />Because your attitude remains the same. The same attitude that we carry would simply fly with us to another country and we would only pick up where we left off in America.<br /><br />Here's what I propose.<br /><br />We blow this box wide open.<br /><br />We think bigger than "mission trips" which has become such a catch phrase in the Christian circles.<br /><br />We decide to have the same attitude, the same <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">preparation</span>, the same fervor, no matter where we are. Then the duration of the trip won't matter. The area we live in won't matter. The class of people that we minister to won't matter.<br /><br />Because now everyone is on equal ground in our minds. No one people need the Gospel more than another. Let's cut up this misconception and let God show what HIS idea of <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">missions</span> looks like.<br /><br />You know, when we found out that we were going to staying in a nice house with comfortable beds and a pool and showers and American food, I imagine some of were just a bit disappointed.<br /><br />We were ready to take the Gospel to the people that REALLY needed it, like the poor people and the homeless!<br /><br />Like the rich people don't need it too?<br /><br />Like the business people and the teachers and the higher class in general don't need it too?<br /><br />This is a matter of perspective, and it's a wrong perspective.<br /><br />We have this idea in our heads and we gotta break it down because I believe it's preventing many of us from truly making a constant, day-to-day impact in this world.<br /><br />The Americans need the Gospel too. So why is everyone running off to other countries?<br /><br />The rich people need the Gospel too. So why is everyone looking for poor people?<br /><br />This should be equal territory but it isn't. So let's change it. Let's be transformed by the renewing of our minds.<br /><br />Let's think BIGGER.<br /><br />No more "mission trips".<br /><br />More "lifestyle".Matt Trevorrowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03161554146743213338noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7976665844640810602.post-7563356063333803562009-03-16T01:09:00.000-07:002009-03-17T15:25:45.554-07:00How I need You<div align="center"><span style="font-size:130%;color:#ffcc00;"><em>I'm so lost unless You find me.</em></span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-size:130%;color:#ffcc00;"><em>I'm so empty unless You fill me.</em></span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-size:130%;color:#ffcc00;"><em>I'm so dirty unless You clean me.</em></span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-size:130%;color:#ffcc00;"><em>I'm so sinful unless You justify me.</em></span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-size:130%;color:#ffcc00;"><em>I'm so helpless unless you help me.</em></span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-size:130%;color:#ffcc00;"><em>I'm so fallen unless You pick me up.</em></span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-size:130%;color:#ffcc00;"><em>I'm so desperate unless You take me.</em></span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-size:130%;color:#ffcc00;"><em>I'm so missing unless You find me.</em></span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-size:130%;color:#ffcc00;"><em>I'm so broken unless You fix me.</em></span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-size:130%;color:#ffcc00;"><em>I'm so worthless unless you <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">identify</span> me as your own.</em></span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-size:130%;color:#ffcc00;"><em>I'm so conflicted unless You calm me.</em></span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-size:130%;color:#ffcc00;"><em>I'm so needy unless You satisfy me.</em></span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-size:130%;color:#ffcc00;"><em>I'm so arrogant unless You break me.</em></span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-size:130%;color:#ffcc00;"><em>I'm so addicted unless You free me.</em></span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-size:130%;color:#ffcc00;"><em>I'm so wounded unless You heal me.</em></span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-size:130%;color:#ffcc00;"><em>I'm so in the dark until You shine in my heart.</em></span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-size:130%;color:#ffcc00;"><em>I'm so hopeless until You give me hope.</em></span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-size:130%;color:#ffcc00;"><em>I'm so drowning unless You rescue me.</em></span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-size:130%;color:#ffcc00;"><em>I'm so alone until You are with me.</em></span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-size:130%;color:#ffcc00;"><em>I'm so incapable unless You empower me.</em></span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-size:130%;color:#ffcc00;"><em>I'm so not enough unless you make me more.</em></span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-size:130%;color:#ffcc00;"><em>I'm so unworthy unless you make me worthy.</em></span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-size:130%;color:#ffcc00;"><em>I'm so undeserving unless You deserve me.</em></span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-size:130%;color:#ffcc00;"><em>I'm so blind unless You open my eyes.</em></span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-size:130%;color:#ffcc00;"><em>I'm so weak unless You give me Your strength.</em></span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-size:130%;color:#ffcc00;"><em>I'm so tired unless You carry me.</em></span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-size:130%;color:#ffcc00;"><em>I'm so defenseless unless You protect me.</em></span></div><div align="center"><em><span style="font-size:130%;color:#ffcc00;">I'm so nothing until You make me something.</span></em></div><div align="center"><span style="font-size:130%;color:#ffcc00;"><em>I'm so............I'm so............</em></span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-size:130%;color:#ffcc00;"><em></em></span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-size:130%;color:#ffcc00;"><em>IN NEED OF YOU.</em></span></div>Matt Trevorrowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03161554146743213338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7976665844640810602.post-23660121958486381732009-02-26T14:54:00.000-08:002009-02-26T15:20:32.094-08:001 Corinthians 13:11-" Like a Child"I'm amazed at myself.<br /><br />Now before you become upset at me for my incredible pride and arrogance let me explain:)<br /><br />I'm amazed at myself when I consider just how often I continually revert back into the person I used to be, i.e. the person that the power of God has freed me from. I'm amazed at my capacity for selfishness and pride.<br /><br />This is, of course, not a problem exclusive to me. I realize that this is, in fact, human nature. We are born with a me-first mentality. But this has recently become more clear to me than ever before. I see that man, the man that God wants me to be, and the man that I'm slowing becoming. I see where I need to get to. I know what I have to do.<br /><br />And yet I don't do it. I fall short time and time again.<br /><br />Now I don't want to be too hard on myself. I am only nineteen and hopefully I have a long way to go yet. But I'm also not going to use that as an excuse. Like that verse in Corinthians says, i need to be constantly putting my old way of thinking and acting behind me.<br /><br />And recently this struggle to deny my nature and follow after HIS nature has felt like an actual struggle. Almost as if I'm physically grappling with someone. The more God continues to shape my thinking and ideas and actions the harder it gets.<br /><br />Whatever it is, it doesn't want to let go.<br /><br />And I don't need to win this fight against myself just for me. Winning this fight against myself is about becoming a better friend and and a better boyfriend and a better worship leader and a better listener and a better servant and, one day, a better husband and father. I'm not out to win this fight just for myself. This is about the people in my life who deserve the best that I can be.<br /><br />Now I definitely don't want to over-<span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">dramatize</span> this. This is simply a routine theme in the Bible, a theme of DAILY denying ourselves for the good of others. My focus needs to continually on the needs of others rather than myself.<br /><br />Will this happen? No. I'm imperfect and will never achieve that level of unselfishness. But I will strive to leave those old patterns of behavior behind. And when they show up I will fight them. I will gain mastery over my mind and learn to take every thought captive. I will learn to honor the people around me with my thoughts and actions.<br /><br />By the grace of God, I will never stop reaching for more. And when I stumble and revert back to my old self? Grace will be there to show me who I really am in Christ, to show me that <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">I'm</span> no longer the child I used to be. I will remember that, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come."<br /><br />And I will fight back. I will grapple with myself. Cause this is worth fighting for with everything I have.Matt Trevorrowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03161554146743213338noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7976665844640810602.post-68498765216452040682009-02-12T15:31:00.000-08:002009-02-12T16:27:32.026-08:00Gardening in Africa (in 95-100 degree weather)One of the ways we were able to minister to the people in South Africa AND Mozambique was, as the title so cleverly insinuates, was gardening:)<br /><br />Now, I'm a landscaper. So gardening is a bit like breathing for me. So when I heard we were going to be gardening I thought to myself "sure, no problem".<br /><br />Right?<br /><br />WRONG. Let's start with the weather.<br /><br />Check that. Let's start with me being stupid and not thinking about packing sunscreen for Africa. I am so dumb sometimes I swear......<br /><br />Anyways. Turns out that it's hot in Africa. Go figure. Like 90 degrees in the shade kind of hot.<br /><br />It gets better.<br /><br />I didn't have gloves so my hands blistered after the first half hour.<br /><br />Now, in Mozambique? We quit working before it got too hot. But for some reason in South Africa we worked into the heat of the day. But maybe it just felt like the heat of the day to a skinny white guy from cold, rainy Oregon. Who knows.<br /><br />Then the tools we had were bordering on primitive since, obviously, there wasn't enough money to buy good ones. As a result, all the handles on the tools were two or three feet too short so we were bent over most of the time.<br /><br />Now I'm a pretty lean guy and my back's in good shape but that was pushing the proverbial envelope as they say.<br /><br />Then the clean water runs out so we're all sharing.<br /><br />Needless to say, this was not an enjoyable experience. I was fortunate enough to beg some sunscreen off of an actual smart person who put some thought into her packing, thank goodness, otherwise i would've fried alive.<br /><br />But the suffering we endured in the heat isn't the primary explanation for the reason why these memories have stuck fast in my head.<br /><br />It was the way we were able to take a plot of land in South Africa that was nothing but a field full of tough grass and overrun with weeds and weed it, plow it by hand, plant it with all kinds of fruits and vegetables, and water it. Make it into something beautiful.<br /><br />It was the was we took a dry, dusty, nutrition-starved yard enclosed in a compound with walls that had razor wire on top and broke it up one shovel full at a time, mixed in manure one shovel full at a time, raised up the beds and planted more food by which these people could sustain themselves.<br /><br />And it was the gratitude that stood out to me. The man we gardened for in South Africa was in a wheelchair and couldn't sustain himself. The people we gardened for in Mozambique planned on using that garden to feed the community around them.<br /><br />And we had the wonderful opportunity to be a part of that.<br /><br />Two thoughts:<br /><br />1) I learned that God doesn't get to be a part of what I'M doing. It's HIM who lets ME take a part in what HE'S doing.<br /><br />2) I learned the value of not simply giving a man a fish, but rather teaching him how to fish. We didn't give them money or food in this particular instance. We gave them something that would sustain them and provide for them.<br /><br />I feel like I was more blessed than they were.Matt Trevorrowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03161554146743213338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7976665844640810602.post-24233341734121951242009-01-27T15:25:00.000-08:002009-01-27T16:27:56.510-08:00The BeautySouth Africa is the most beautiful place I've ever seen in my life. And I expect I might always feel that way no matter where I go.<br /><br />When we first landed in South Africa we found ourselves lost in the massiveness of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Johannisburg</span> Airport, surrounded by stores and food courts that looked exactly like the ones found in our OWN airports.<br /><br />Not incredibly beautiful to say the least:) In fact, it was a little disappointing. Especially since we were stuck there for hours.<br /><br />But soon enough we were picked up by a taxi and taken to a bus station, where we had to wait for hours again. Thrilling. Needless to say, the landscape at this point was less than impressive.<br /><br />Next, we were picked up by our friend in the field who had arranged for us to be there. He drove for a while through the city streets, with me stuck in the bed of the truck with a couple of guys. Lovely.<br /><br />Then:)<br /><br />Then my faith was rewarded the moment we left the city. We got out on the freeway, which was basically a two-lane road winding through endless seas of tall grass blowing and swaying in the wind. We could see for miles.<br /><br />Before I continue, I want to point out that there was something beautiful about the airport and the bus station and the city, but it wasn't these places themselves.<br /><br />It was the people. These people, with their ebony skin and piercing eyes and crazy hair, were so beautiful. That was something I won't forget about those awful places:)<br /><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Ok</span> moving on. We arrived at the village we were to live in and I discovered that all the roads are dirt. Not that surprising right? Except it was red dirt. Everywhere. I actually walked around taking pictures of the roads. It's not like I didn't know dirt could be red. But to walk on it and see it in front of me was awesome:) it's just crazy unique.<br /><br />Then we met the kids. OH. my. gosh. Gorgeous.<br /><br />You talk about adorable and any other word you can think of to describe cute and that was them.<br /><br />We would frequently go on walks as well, either as a team or with our host families, through the countryside. We would go when the sun was setting on the horizon, and the horizon was miles and miles away. It almost seemed that I could see the curve of the sky it was so far. We saw giraffe and zebra within 30 or 40 feet. Giraffe are absolutely huge when you're that close.<br /><br />I would often times just stop walking and stare. Dumbstruck. Completely at a loss for words. I remember one time climbing over a small butte and suddenly everything stretched out before me like a canvas. The sun was brilliant, reflecting off the grassy fields that never seemed to end, with the trees casting shadows everywhere. So green it almost hurt to look. I remember all I could say was ".....oh God....", followed by digging my jaw out of the dirt where it had dropped. The sky was bluer than I've ever seen a sky. It seemed to me that heaven must look similar.<br /><br />It was in this place called Africa that I began to realize something profound.<br /><br />God made this. And how much more beautiful than the creation must the Creator be!<br /><br />I felt then that I had begun to discover a new facet of God. His incredible beauty. A beauty that steals my breath away and causes me to be at a loss for words. I can't wait to see Him someday.Matt Trevorrowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03161554146743213338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7976665844640810602.post-88525438661541068022009-01-22T15:24:00.000-08:002009-01-22T15:36:51.381-08:00How Deep the Father's Love For Us<em>How deep the Father's love for us. How vast beyond all measure.</em><br /><em>That He should give His only Son,</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>To make a wretch(me) His treasure.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>How great the pain of searing loss! The Father turns His face away.</em><br /><em>As wounds which mar the Chosen one,</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>Bring many sons(including me) to Glory.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>Behold the Man upon the cross, my sin upon His shoulders.</em><br /><em>Ashamed, I hear my mocking voice,</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>Call out among the scoffers.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>It was MY sin that held Him there! Until it was accomplished.</em><br /><em>His dying breath has brought me life.<br /><br />I know that it is finished.<br /><br />So I will not boast in anything. No gifts, nor power, nor wisdom.<br />But I WILL boast in Jesus Christ.<br /><br />His death and resurection.<br /><br />Why should I gain from His reward? I cannot give an answer.<br />But THIS i know with all my heart.........<br /><br /><br />His wounds have paid my ransom.<br /></em><br />If i said "thank you Jesus" a billion times a day for the rest of my life it wouldn't be enough.<br /><br />But I've never been more thankful for anything in my life.Matt Trevorrowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03161554146743213338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7976665844640810602.post-73675956370909614682009-01-06T12:19:00.001-08:002009-01-06T12:48:14.199-08:00LoveWhat is love?<br /><br />If I define love as being patient and kind, not envious and not boastful, not proud and not rude, not self-seeking, then I fail at love.<br /><br />I'm not very patient. I'm kind but not enough. I'm envious and boastful. I'm proud and I'm rude. I'm also self-seeking.<br /><br />Maybe I'm being too hard on myself.<br /><br />These things are all human nature after all.<br /><br />But I'm still am not happy with where I am.<br /><br />After reading Song of Solomon, where i believe love is portrayed in it's purest form, an intense desire was birthed in me.<br /><br />I want to love like that. I want to love someone like that. I want to cherish someone like that. To make her everything to me.<br /><br />I want to be everything love is. Unselfish and kind. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Un</span>-envious and humble. Ever patient and not arrogant. And I'm not gonna stop till I get there.<br /><br />Will I ever completely achieve that? No. I'm as imperfect as a human can be.<br /><br />But <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">i'm</span> gonna get as close as I can. I'm gonna work at it for the rest of my life. It is attainable.<br /><br />I want to love a woman the way Christ loves her. To give her everything I am.<br /><br />To tell her everyday how beautiful she is and how much I love her.<br /><br />To let her know that I value her over any other person or thing in this world.<br /><br />I can be that. Not because I'm strong enough. But because God is strong enough and His power is made perfect in my weakness.<br /><br />His power ought to be pretty perfect by now then <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">haha</span>.<br /><br />I want my life to be about love. Love for her, love for my Savior, love for the beautiful people in this world. Even love for myself.<br /><br />I don't mean being in love with myself. I mean that rather than hate myself for my imperfections.<br /><br />Love is a journey.<br /><br />I wanna get <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">walking.</span><br /><br />I also want to BE loved that way. I want to be everything to her. I want to be her strength. I want to make her laugh all the time. I want her to see me the way God sees me. I want to be the only one for her. I want to be that knight.<br /><br />All these things I've mentioned don't even really come close to describing how I feel but it's a piece. I don't want to simply KNOW what true love is. I want to BE what true love is.Matt Trevorrowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03161554146743213338noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7976665844640810602.post-9061882106523123672009-01-05T13:52:00.000-08:002009-01-05T14:58:47.903-08:00The FOOD!!A week before leaving for Africa I spent time with my team, hoping to solidify relationships and get to know people better. Which is what happened.<br /><br />I also went because i was told that we would be starting a diet during the course of that week that would help us to assimilate to the African food when we arrived.<br /><br />We didnt't end up getting around to that. So I had no idea what to expect.<br /><br />As a result, I had visions of eating raw goat meat and brains and snakes and things of that nature:)<br /><br />I was pleasantly surprised when i was offered rice and beans and milk for my first meal.<br /><br />In fact, the weirdest thing i ate(and it was gross) was chicken feet. That's right.<br /><br />Chicken FEET.<br /><br />I didn't know you could eat those!<br /><br />It appeared that they had simply been boiled in water. Talons and all were still present as i ate.<br /><br />I say ATE, though NIBBLED is probably closer to the truth. The skin was the consistency of slimy rubber and of course, as there was no meat on them, cartilage was the only thing to be found under the slimy rubber.<br /><br />Needless to say I did my best to eat whatever I could and simply tried not to gag.<br /><br />But what struck me the most about my eating in Africa was not what I ate.<br /><br />I was HOW I ate. How well I ate is what i mean to say.<br /><br />I can't actually remember being very hungry at all when living with this family in South Africa. I remember being frequently stuffed in fact.<br /><br />I remember one night in particular. My mother laid a massive plate in front of me of beans and rice,which I never tired of eating by the way.<br /><br />Then the kids came in to join me.<br /><br />And them?<br /><br />They had small bowls, probably a third of what I had on my plate.<br /><br />A third.<br /><br />Our coordinator in South Africa told us that one of the things we would feel the most would be shame. He was right.<br /><br />I was so ashamed. When have I EVER been that generous??<br /><br />Never.<br /><br />Their generosity in the face of such poverty humbled me like nothing ever has. Like nothing probably ever will again.<br /><br />...I was so ashamed....<br /><br />I didn't want to eat it. I wanted to give it back to them cause heaven knows that they need it more than I did.<br /><br />And then I realized something.<br /><br />They wanted to bless me. They were so thankful for me being there to see them and work with them that they wanted to do something for me in return.<br /><br />And this was the only way they could do that. This was the only way they felt that they could repay me for flying over to meet them.<br /><br />Was it easier to eat? Not really. But after the shame and and the humbling came the most intense gratitude I think I've ever felt.<br /><br />There's something about a gift given from nothing......Matt Trevorrowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03161554146743213338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7976665844640810602.post-79813769934673873162008-12-28T22:06:00.000-08:002008-12-28T22:26:53.320-08:00Eleven ChildrenA day or so after arriving in Africa, we were taken on a walk through the countryside to visit the people who were too far out of town to get many visitors.<br /><br />My whole team along with quite a few women from the orphanage walked for a while until we came to a hut that was smaller than my room.<br /><br />My first thought was "What poor soul has to live here?"<br /><br />Not one. Eleven.<br /><br />We discovered that eleven children lived in this smoky hut that was probably 6 feet by 14 feet.<br /><br />Not only that, we were told that these children had no mother.<br /><br />I was shell-shocked. We were invited in of course, which is a testament to the hospitality of a nation that has next to nothing. There was barely enough room for me to stand.<br /><br />The children were cared for by their oldest sister.<br /><br />I was not ready for this. I had only been in Africa for two days! I quickly discovered that all my previous assumptions about Africa were inaccurate.<br /><br />This was poverty I had only read about or seen on tv. It's completely different when you're standing in it. But what made a bigger impression on than the poverty was the way these beautiful children refused to give up.<br /><br />By the world's standards these children have nothing to live for. They have no future, no money, no parents, no chances.<br /><br />Yet they refuse. They refuse to let go. They refuse to quit.<br /><br />What makes them do that? I can't imagine that kind of courage. That kind of bravery.<br /><br />I can't imagine how it feels to stare the future in the face despite the hopelessness of it and keep walking.<br /><br />Needless to say, I've been inspired by that. I've been inspired to make the most of an opportunity that most people don't have. A chance to learn and grow and dream.<br /><br />And my hope is that I will be able to help them out of their situation. To encourage them and tell them that there is hope, that there is something to better than this.<br /><br />To tell them that this is not our home. To tell them that they have something to look forward to.<br /><br />And to encourage them to keep smiling and laughing despite the circumstances.<br /><br />Because some day? It will be better. In this life or the next:)Matt Trevorrowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03161554146743213338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7976665844640810602.post-19398145866442679842008-12-15T12:12:00.000-08:002008-12-15T12:32:07.709-08:00My Need for HimIsn't it funny( and I don't mean the haha kind of funny) how we don't realize just how badly we need a Savior until we're in trouble?<br /><br />When life is good? Jesus is like an accessory, a resource on my shelf next to my Bible and tea. And I only pull Him off the shelf when i feel that I need Him.<br /><br />That idea in and of itself is ridiculous. When do I NOT need Him? Never. I ALWAYS need Him. I just don't think I do when it seems like I have things under control. I'm like the impetuous child standing at climbing wall saying to his dad "No i can do it myself!"<br /><br />Inevitably I get stuck. And then, like that child, I have to call for Him to pull me cause I'm not as strong as I thought I was.<br /><br />You'd think I'd eventually get it. All I gotta do is let Him lead. Let HIM take the rope. Simple right?<br /><br />Guess again.<br /><br />And then something else occured to me.<br /><br />When times are hard, when I feel alone or distant, when things aren't working the way I planned, when things are crashing around me? There's only one person I think about.<br /><br />Jesus.<br /><br />It's amazing to me how fast I run to Him when things start to slide.<br /><br />So why not?<br /><br />Why wouldn't God allow things to collapse in my life? Why wouldn't H let me take the rope and learn a hard lesson? Why wouldn't He let me fall a short way?<br /><br />Everytime I do I turn to Him!!!<br /><br />Why wouldn't he do that?<br /><br />I don't think He makes them happen to me.<br /><br />But He ALLOWS them to.<br /><br />Because He knows.<br /><br />He knows I need Him.<br /><br />Even when I don't. That's why we are allowed to fall, to stumble. Because it leads us to a realization of how badly we need him.<br /><br />This doesn't answer for all the evil in the world but I understand it in my own life.<br /><br />So what do I do with this? I need to understand just how badly and desperately I need Him.<br /><br />To understand just how broken I really am without Him. Even when life is good.<br /><br />God, help me understand. Help me get it. I want to know.Matt Trevorrowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03161554146743213338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7976665844640810602.post-64120389538062370102008-12-03T12:31:00.000-08:002008-12-03T14:06:36.070-08:00I Want to Hold ThemOne of the hardest things I have ever had to witness is children infected with HIV.<br /><br />Why? Why do they have to be infected? What did they do to warrant such an injustice?<br /><br />All they did was be born. Their parents took care of the rest.<br /><br />It's one of the more horrific examples of generational sin. The children have to pay for the sins of their parents.<br /><br />One of the distinguishing characteristics in a child infected by HIV are sores. Typically on their heads. In more advanced stages these sores cover their bodies from head to toe. They are extremely painful and constantly leak fluid. These sores can be transmitted by touch so often times we could not hold these kids, otherwise we would be infected. Even if we wanted to anyways, the people probably wouldn't have let us.<br /><br />I literally ached when I saw this. All I wanted to do was stroke these kids on the head, to hold them and tell them it was gonna be alright.<br /><br />And I couldn't. I felt helpless.<br /><br />One particular time I went with a group of ladies to bathe a young girl. At first nothing appeared out of the ordinary. Then they took off her clothes.<br /><br />She was covered from head to toe in these sores. These woman began to wash her.<br /><br />They had to scrub hard enough to rip the heads off the sores. The girl began to scream in pain.<br /><br />Soon there was blood running all over her body. She began crying for her mother, who ignored her. That broke my heart.<br /><br />And me? I cried. I cried because all I wanted to do was pick her up in my arms. I didn't care about the blood or sores. But I couldn't. So i prayed. And cried. Eventually they finished.<br /><br />Then something incredible happened. I saw myself in this girl. And I saw God in the women.<br /><br />Here's why: the little girl? She didn't understand why. She didn't understand why we were hurting her. She cried and screamed and became angry at us. She didn't understand that we were helping her.<br /><br />Isn't that exactly how I am with God.<br /><br />He allows things to happen to me. Sometimes he disciplines me. And it hurts. And I don't understand. I complain. I say it's not fair. But He's doing what's best for me. He's doing what needs to happen in order for me to be clean. For me to be whole.Matt Trevorrowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03161554146743213338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7976665844640810602.post-31150082217409318582008-12-01T07:46:00.000-08:002008-12-01T08:18:44.365-08:00I Gave UpOn March 1st I set out on the adventure of a lifetime when I stepped on a plane bound for South Africa.<br /><br />It was my first time flying. It was my first time out of the country. It was my first "mission trip".<br /><br />I will never be the same again.<br /><br />It's like the the tv show "Lost", where the island has a strange pull on all the people that have been on it. Once they leave they're still haunted by it.<br /><br />That's how it is for me with Africa.<br /><br />Part of me doesn't want to go back. Part of me doesn't want to see the death. The suffering. The flies. But then I remember what else I saw.<br /><br />Joy:) Pure, unadulterated joy. Joy in the face of death. I saw people facing an inevitability of death, yet they had something shining out of their eyes. Literally shining. It was Jesus. I saw Jesus shining through death.<br /><br />I also saw the good that I can do, along with my teammates. We can affect change. We will affect change.<br /><br />But more than that; these people, these beautiful people, have a hold on my heart. I didn't see it coming. I didn't think it would happen so quickly. I fell in love with Africa as soon as I stepped off the plane.<br /><br />And then I met my mother. The woman who gave me her bed so I wouldn't have to sleep on the floor. She slept next door instead. The woman whose name I can't even write cause I can't spell it but whose face I will never forget. The woman that continually gave me the biggest portion at every meal. I have never experienced anything more humbling than eating more than a hungry family. The woman who had experienced horrific abuse, yet is beginning to discover the joy of the Lord. She protected me and sheltered me and laughed with me and was everything I needed her to be. I called her right before I left Africa. Her excitement. I can't forget her excitement. I love that woman so much it hurts.<br /><br />And her beautiful children, whose names I can't spell either. But their faces are burned into my memory like fire. There were four of them and a baby. We would all play together after dinner. I taught them to sing classic American songs and they taught me to sing their songs. Which caused much hilarity among them when I kept stumbling over my words and screwing it up:) We would all dance. I would put in some Christian hip hop and we'd go for it. The eldest girl spoke decent English so we connected in a deeper way. What a confident girl! An amazing voice and dancing ability. She was the leader in the house among her siblings and many of her peers as well. She'll make an amazing mother some day. One of the boys would croak like a frog at me all the time:) We had fun:) We would wrestle and spar together too. Eventually other kids in the neighborhood heard the noise and started poking their heads in the door to gawk at the curious dancing white man. Eventually they would join in and we would have around ten people in that house.<br /><br />I say house. More like room. Not much bigger than my bedroom. There's a little perspective for ya.<br /><br />I bathed in a plastic tub twice a day. My mother insisted:)<br /><br />I'll be writing more about Africa every couple of days. As things and memories return to me. Why the title? I gave up on telling these stories. I probably told them for a couple weeks after I got back and then just stopped.<br /><br />These stories need to be told. For one, I need to tell them to honor them. For another, I need to tell them for my own sake. I can't keep this locked inside. We should all know about this one way or another. Either we go or we learn from those who have gone.<br /><br />I can't wait to go back to Africa. And someday I'm going back to see them again. The ones I love. And I don't just mean in heaven.<br /><br />I'm going back.Matt Trevorrowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03161554146743213338noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7976665844640810602.post-64986986503661895482008-11-19T12:24:00.000-08:002008-11-19T12:56:25.689-08:00Why do I Believe?A few weeks ago I was sitting with a homeless man that happened to be an atheist. We got into a discussion about it of course, as these people love to talk religion. We shifted from topic to topic, anything from homosexuality to miracles to heaven. And then he asked me something that really stopped me.<br /><br />"So why? Why do you believe in God? Why do you believe in a God that can do miracles?"<br /><br />I was stunned. Why couldn't I answer?<br /><br />My mind went blank. I stuttered and stumbled over my words for a while, then finally admitted that I wasn't sure why.<br /><br />WHAT??<br /><br />I've been in church since I was 5! How could I not come up with an answer for this man?<br /><br />I felt like a failure of a Christian. Like I let God down.<br /><br />And the funny thing? I know why I love Him. In my heart. But I couldn't think of a way to explain it to him. An atheist.<br /><br />I answered that way because I wanted to be honest. I didn't want to start speaking Christian-<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">ese</span>, making up something that sounds super-spiritual and flowery. So I said I didn't completely know. He seemed to respect this somehow.<br /><br />It's plagued me for days, and maybe this seems like a very basic problem with a extremely solution, but I wanted to find out why I, personally, believe in God. A God of miracles.<br /><br />Again, I know why I do in my heart. Very clearly. But I needed a way to explain with words what was in my heart, in a way that would make sense to him.<br /><br />Yesterday it hit me.<br /><br />I believe in God......<br /><br />Because He believes in me. He believed in me first.<br /><br />He believes in me!<br /><br />Everyone in this world can identify with that statement.<br /><br />Why?<br /><br />Because everyone needs to be believed in. Everyone wants someone to believe in them, to tell them that they have what it takes, to tell them that they are worth more than they think.<br /><br />This is why I believe in God. Because He believes in me.<br /><br />This is my confession of faith. I believe in God and I believe that He does miracles.<br /><br />And if I see this man again? I'm gonna tell him. Because I am not ashamed.<br /><br />My Father believes in me.Matt Trevorrowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03161554146743213338noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7976665844640810602.post-38113585362969068422008-11-13T13:59:00.000-08:002008-11-14T14:17:07.545-08:00<span style="color:#ff0000;"><em><span style="font-family:Arial;">" I want to come closer, but you are so distant. Lately your thoughts are so far. And I want to show you all that you're missing. I'll meet you right where you are." Then the chorus: " O love, I've always known you and O love, you've always been mine. O love, I'm only asking you for your life." </span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:Arial;">This is the sound of my Savior, the love of my life, the one who gave everything for me. The one who opened my eyes to wonder. And most amazing of all? He LONGS for me. Me! The broken, dirty, foolish human being that I am. He doesn't see that. All he sees is love. And me? </span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:Arial;">I</span></em><em><span style="font-family:Arial;">'m too busy. </span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:Arial;">He desperately longs for me and tries to draw my attention to him. He calls me. He desires me. </span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:Arial;">And I'm too busy. </span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:Arial;">My thoughts are far from him. He gave his life and I barely take the time. He tries to show me the things that I'm missing, the miracles and splendor! </span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:Arial;">And I'm too busy. Some days I barely think about him. I walk around without even noticing his creation. I don't read his Word. I don't ask for miracles. </span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:Arial;">I'm too busy. Busy with life. Busy with homework. Busy with concerns and worries. Busy with anything BUT what i should be busy with. That being my relationship with Him. </span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:Arial;">Why don't I see it? </span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:Arial;">Why do I let this pass me by all the time?? </span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:Arial;">He simply wants ME. </span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:Arial;">He's willing to meet me right where I am, in the midst of all my imperfections and failures. He doesn't see it. All he sees is me. All he wants is me. </span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:Arial;">And me? </span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:Arial;">I don't even notice. </span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:Arial;">He knows that I can't do it alone. He offers His hand to help. </span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:Arial;">And I don't take it. I'm too concerned with other things. </span></em><em><span style="font-family:Arial;">And all He wants is me!! </span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:Arial;">He wants to come closer and I keep moving away. And I'm not even trying to. I just don't take the time to notice that I've strayed from Him. Until I'm too far. He wants to draw close to me, to hold me and whisper things to me, to show me what I've never seen before. But my mind is distant, on other things, in other places. And yet the amazing thing? </span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:Arial;">He never stops:) He never gives up on me. </span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:Arial;">Even when I would've given up on myself, He doesn't. Won't ever. I don't deserve this kind of love. And that's the beauty of it. </span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:Arial;">It doesn't matter. </span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:Arial;">He doesn't care. </span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:Arial;">He runs to me. </span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:Arial;">Every time I need HIm. </span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:Arial;">He meets me right where I am. </span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:Arial;">And then I stray again. I fail to notice Him again. I start running around again, getting distracted. </span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:Arial;">And He? </span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:Arial;">He patiently waits for me. Always waiting. </span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:Arial;">How can I be so selfish not to notice? How can I be so blind? When will I finally learn to turn to Him everyday? When will I stop getting lost? When will I finally come to a place where I have to admit my need for Him everyday?</span></em></span>Matt Trevorrowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03161554146743213338noreply@blogger.com1