My Need for Him

Isn't it funny( and I don't mean the haha kind of funny) how we don't realize just how badly we need a Savior until we're in trouble?

When life is good? Jesus is like an accessory, a resource on my shelf next to my Bible and tea. And I only pull Him off the shelf when i feel that I need Him.

That idea in and of itself is ridiculous. When do I NOT need Him? Never. I ALWAYS need Him. I just don't think I do when it seems like I have things under control. I'm like the impetuous child standing at climbing wall saying to his dad "No i can do it myself!"

Inevitably I get stuck. And then, like that child, I have to call for Him to pull me cause I'm not as strong as I thought I was.

You'd think I'd eventually get it. All I gotta do is let Him lead. Let HIM take the rope. Simple right?

Guess again.

And then something else occured to me.

When times are hard, when I feel alone or distant, when things aren't working the way I planned, when things are crashing around me? There's only one person I think about.

Jesus.

It's amazing to me how fast I run to Him when things start to slide.

So why not?

Why wouldn't God allow things to collapse in my life? Why wouldn't H let me take the rope and learn a hard lesson? Why wouldn't He let me fall a short way?

Everytime I do I turn to Him!!!

Why wouldn't he do that?

I don't think He makes them happen to me.

But He ALLOWS them to.

Because He knows.

He knows I need Him.

Even when I don't. That's why we are allowed to fall, to stumble. Because it leads us to a realization of how badly we need him.

This doesn't answer for all the evil in the world but I understand it in my own life.

So what do I do with this? I need to understand just how badly and desperately I need Him.

To understand just how broken I really am without Him. Even when life is good.

God, help me understand. Help me get it. I want to know.